Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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