What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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