I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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