The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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