:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
