her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
