i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
