I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
