I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize