She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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