i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
