I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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