the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
