I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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