I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
