those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
