Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
