Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
