well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
