Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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