Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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