My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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