I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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