I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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