FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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