Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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