I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dicks are not precious.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
