around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
