turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
