sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
