i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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