You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
