Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
