please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize