I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
