Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i'm inner monologue high
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
