white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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