some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
