I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize