Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
