he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
