last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
