I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
