I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize