Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
