Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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