Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
