worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
