Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
