Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Randomize
