I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
