I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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