Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
