Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
