i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
