were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The air taste purple.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
