First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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