Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
