bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mom said you looked used
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize