your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
