woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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