this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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