Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize