The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
