Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize