Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
