Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
