I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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