You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
