i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
