Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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