Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
