is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
