Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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