U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
