There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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