So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
