haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
