Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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