I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
