And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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