if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
